Tuesday, August 22, 2006

the yankees are coming, the yankees are coming!!

oh, wait. that's just water seeping from the brim of the toilet bowl. yay me!

and my furniture has still not arrived. this air mattress isn't exactly the paragon of sealy-posturepedic comfort if you get my drift. besides, it's comforting to flop down on my couches and watch movies, or stretch out on my queen size bed outfitted with pillow-top mattress. i could go on and on. i also wouldn't mind a few extra towels to absorb the pond that was once laminate bathroom floor.

i called the management group (they like to do things extra special here...) to report the problem, and lucky me! i get the 300-lb slug who inhabits the reception area with her jabba-the-hud presence. she is blind. she is deaf. and she is barely literate, although english was at one point her first language. when i went to post rent for the month of august, i had to spell my first and last names in their entirety, letter-by-letter. in case you're not aware, the first half of my name is an obnoxiously common moniker; the second half an equally abundant surname. the mispelling of the latter cannot be argued from a cultural platform as it is very common in this area, with exception to a minor variance. even after i had instructed her about 5 times, she still couldn't get it right. it was funny, and annoying because it cut into my lunch hour, but kind of scary, too, in a way that implies her family tree might not have very many branches.

so, i filed a work order with her. the lead manager just called me back; "someone is on their way...," which no doubt means, "on their way from manitoba." i reckon the maintenance guy will appear around 10 p.m.

in the meantime, i suppose i could be taking care of some homework. i've been reading "heart of darkness" for my modern lit class. so far, it is the least interesting bit of drivel i have been forced to read since "the house of seven gables" (well, to say i read that particular piece of shit would be a borderline fib, or an outright lie even...). i'm sure there are some interesting parts, and i'll relay those vitals if ever i should come accross them, but try not to hold your breath for too long. other than reading very thematic and overly symbolic literature, i actually like this class a lot. the instructor seems very passionate about the subject, which can almost never be a bad thing, not to mention very knowledgeable as well.

as for history, i (very surprisingly) am not impressed thus far. modern lit is on-line while history is in the flesh at the local campus, local being an outright misrepresentation of distance in this area. i attended the first evening class yesterday. class kicked-off at 1645, but the teacher, a befuddled and disorganized mess 60 years in the making, mazed about the class with a litany of word salad and indecipherable content. at about 1720ish, she segued into what i hoped a lecture or synopses of relevant information. i'm sure it would have been, but she continued with her psycho-babble, eventually blaming the selected textbook for lack of information.

after covering some vague historical accounts, she directed us to accomplish what i assumed a classroom type of exercise. by the way, here is a near-verbatim example of her historical presentation: nicene creed is where people met to make decisions about religion.

here's where things get hazy - she assigns us these questions, straight from the textbook-be-damned no less, and insists we GOOGLE the answers. bear in mind, these are not vocabulary words, but instead complex questions requiring equally complex answers dependent upon an impressive knowledge base. i didn't have a textbook, but MSgt-likes-to-take-classes-to-pick-up-chicks offered to lend his. 'uh, thanks, but noooo. i'll wait until ebay puts out.' i did the best i could, but my way of thinking is such that if i knew where or how to develop answers to these very critical, complex history questions, i would not be taking the class; i'd be teaching it. gets worse though -- just as i'm plugging away on a variety of search engines, instructor numbnuts, who failed to identify herself so i haven't the faintest as to what she's called, says, "you can base the answers on your own opinion."

well, that'd be nice and make everybody feel warm and fuzzy inside, but there is no subjective answer to a question like this, "describe what life was like for women in the middle ages?" um, i can say it sucked, but in order to portray an accurate understanding of pertinent events, period culture, and livelihood, i also need to know: education, responsibilities, contributions...you know, the oft-overlooked minutaie that isn't regurgitated subjectively. at the end of class, feeling a little exasperated yet trying to reign-in the cunt factor nonetheless, i asked if every class would entail a list of assigned questions, whose importance and relevance we would be incumbent for researching.

although she provided no affirmation or anything of that sort, she did say, "well, it's because the book leaves too many gaps." wow, she must have been active duty in her past-life, because if i counted all the times i heard that answer in response to a non-inspector delivered query, i'd be snorting coke with paris hilton by now. well, maybe it'll be an easy a, who knows? but i was hoping for the inspiring kind of class where i walk away thoroughly smarter, not thoroughly confused.

the maintenance man appeared. he was nice, but looked like an extra from "deliverance" -- the banjo playing kind of extra. he got the toilet squared away, all the while putting his piss-soaked palms on my toilet seat (gross, i'll have to clean that fucker all over again...). after thanking him, i offered him use of soap and sink, but he declined. mmmmmm mmmmmm good.