Monday, June 19, 2006

spaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

i went to the spa yesterday for 5 hours. i haven't a clue where the time dashed off!! it was so relaxing lounging around in the buff, walking from sauna to sauna, and wading in the tepid waters of the central pool listening to the music via underwater speakers with my ears submerged in the water.

and then it was time to go home. it was almost magical, my time at the spa. i did manage to upset vinny. marlene and i took off leaving him and his daughter in one of the outdoor pools. i didn't mean to be shabby. i only assumed they needed some "maddie and daddy" time for father's day. i hate to impose myself on them.

i'm melancholy right now. the thought of moving, though i'm excited to once again not have to grapple with a language barrier, is upsetting my stomach in the drew-esque way of 3 years prior, which makes me feel nostalgic. i have a feeling these next few months are going to be rough on my delicate emotions.

there is a lot i want to discuss with vinny, such as the possibility of maintaining a long distance relationship. but i can't. i can't even physically breach the subject. just thinking about saying goodbye to him makes my chest hurt and stomach curdle. i tire of people fortifying my lack of optimism with "what is the worst that can happen?" -- spare me your good samaritan carebear ways; i know full well the worst that can happen. i am not repeating history. it will just suck to be me for a long while...in the meantime, i've packed my social calendar with lots of get-to-gethers, but nothing seems appealing as hard as i might try.


c'est la vie.