Friday, January 27, 2006


i spoke with ***** last night over the telephone and...he wants to go to amsterdam with me this weekend. i am pretty excited that he's going, but i hope it's because he wants to spend time with me, and not just a means of calming his suspicions. anyway, i have to call the hotel this morning and get another room. i am relinquishing my double-up with the total stranger to *****'* friend, tom. this way nobody gets short shrifted. at any rate, ***** asked if tom could go and i said, "sure. i can't see that will be a problem."

20 minutes after ***** and i got off the phone, i realized that it could indeed pose a problem, a very big problem. you see, brookie once divulged to me that she can not stand tom. oh man, i felt like a total jackass, but i didn't have the heart to call ***** back and tell him as much. so, i called brookie, fessed up, and told her i was too spineless to call tom and disinvite him. me - i don't mind tom. i've sensed that he runs kind of hot and cold, and i once did something to piss him off, and in my martyr-like way, i felt totally above reproach for several weeks, so i felt this weekend could be used to attain absolution for my past transgressions. at brookie's expense? well, that was totally unintended. brooke, easygoing as she can be, made a quasi-derogatory statement and walked it off with, "that's okay. now you have to buy me a drink to make up for it." so.....whew. close call.

i'm starting to have some strong feelings for *****. and, for the first time in years, i've dropped my guard, and it feels so good not to pretend like i'm not sensitive and i don't need anybody. we went to dinner on wednesday night and i dropped by to pick him up. he was telling me how he told his dad about the dinner i made for him last friday, which sucked so bad, but he was really sweet about the whole situation. and, on the way out of his house, we were talking about motorcycles when i mentioned my dad had a hiyabusa (sp?) a couple of years back. he seemed a little impressed, and then he mentioned that maybe we could "go down to k-town and visit the family and he could go riding with my dad." after we got in the car and began the drive to the next town over, he said, "does your dad know you have a boyfriend that rides a motorcycle?"

no, but only because i didn't know up until then that i had a boyfriend. i couldn't really say anything. i just smiled, retard that i am...i mean, not to cut ***** down, and not to act like i'm not pleased by what he had to say; he's the only guy i've been interested in seeing for a long time, but it was a bit of a shock, albeit nice, to hear him say something like that.

so, it's off to amsterdam for 9 people this evening, and i'm so excited. the girl who was going to bring her 2-year old dropped out of the plans on wednesday. we're going to check out some sights (van gough, ann frank, etc.), red light district, hard rock (the amsterdam hard rock makes the best bacon cheeseburgers this side of the atlantic), and some dance clubs. not sure what i'm going to wear. i guess it will all come together? yippee. i can't wait.