Wednesday, January 11, 2006

a list -- a long, long, long, long-long-long, long, very very long, long, long, long, long, long, long list of things that greatly annoy me

fine print ahead: please note the title of this post before chastising me my negative thoughts.



a long list of things that greatly annoy me:

passive agressive people.

healthy men who visit the doctor more than they visit the urinal.

drivers who follow the posted speed limit on a perfectly rural country road.

the german culture in general.

hangovers.

self-deprecating people.

running late for work, hoping to compensate by speeding, only to discover the roads are covered with ice.

reflective belts.

squadron hats. blech.

people who break-out the calculator to determine an appropriate tip.

puking.

people that do nothing but talk to total strangers on international flights. and domestic, for that matter.

blog-o-mania: welcome to the internet, where any talentless fuck with a keyboard is a fucking mega-star, peabody award nominee, future reality t.v. show contestant, or the next great american writer.

ambition.

working hard and barely scraping by.

eDODO.org, which should be renamed eHOMO.org EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. stat, you little zoomies! STAT!

taking long drives with people that like to talk over the music.

waiting for vacation for endless months, and then it's all over in a heartbeat.

watching scary movies that are prefaced by the following words: based on a true story.

not being able to fall asleep at night because of a scary movie prefaced by the following words: based on a true story.

women who assume they think like men. as though all men think the same thoughts at the same time. men are men, one and the same, and hitler and lincoln are comparable...hardly.

tanning beds.

cold pizza.

warm beer.

showing up to work late.

disbombcobulating my words while i'm talking. or typing.

actions lacking principle.

self important bastards who like to talk above the heads of others.

palm pilots, and other random bits of PDA. not really fond of cell phones either.

professional patients that are hooked on narcs.

champagne.

people on myspace.com who send out friends' requests arbitrarily. what do you call a friend you don't know?? a fucking stranger.

pregnant women who incessantly bitch about their constant state of malcontent.

interviews that depict a celebrity as normal. average people aren't handed a million dollar check just for smiling while holding a vintage louis vuitton hobo. hel-fucking-lo.

glory hounds.

the macarena. yes, the macarena -- the song AND the dance.

morons who think they speak german fluently on the basis of one word and its many inflections: "bitte?", "bitte!", and, let's not forget the understated "bitte."

high-waisted jeans.

high-waisted jeans with tapered legs.

finding my favorite pair of socks in the hamper burried beneath two weeks of dirty clothes. very dirty clothes.

timidity.

ex-boyfriends who rob you of their presence, only to shit-bomb you every 4-6 months on some variation of instant messenger.

briefers who begin their briefings with a five minute explanation of "this won't take long so i'll go ahead and make it quick so i can get everybody out of here at a decent time tonight because i know some people have kids to pick up from daycare, and dinner to make and bills to pay and t.v. shows to watch and and and..."

parents who let their toddlers run wild in the grocery store.

parents who let their toddlers run wild in the grocery store, only to exert excessive energy on frustration when their kids are out of control by the age of 10.

ah, i think that's it for now. i'm tired now. nighty-night.