Sunday, September 25, 2005

fe fi fo fum: my gigantic neverending weekend party

"fe fi fo fum," tom said over dinner at the local mongolian restaurant, words which were used to describe an on-line dating experience he'd subjected himself to a few years back.

i about fell out of the damn chair i was laughing so hard. tom went on to recap stories about the retard, a young woman with a paralyzing stutter; jabba, a military career woman who was excessively big; and white trash, a barely legal girl with a barely legal case of gingivitis. i listened as tom described these women, respectively, in each and every garrish detail available to mankind while i speared peeled, deveined, and butterflied shrimp with my fork.

initially, after picking him up and driving him to his car, we'd decided to eat some italian food as a means of hangover helper. we went to the local italian restaurant, and it was fucking packed to the rafters. we headed towards the netherlands and got mongolian barbecue instead, which is always a good choice in my book.

as far as the weekend .....that's a whole other story. i got fucking shattered on friday -- tequila shots and the requisite bacardi and cola. aaaaah. after passing out around 3 or 4 a.m., i was rudely awoken at 10 a.m. by the chirping of songbirds. it sucked, and i had a massive hangover. the evening prior was well spent -- free drinks, my favorite! and chatting up cute dutch men. it was fucking great!! crashing at hanky-poo's is also why i didn't go on a drunk dialing spree.

i stayed in bed pretty much the entire time on saturday; i scarcely had the energy to begin my nightly ablutions for the oktoberfest -- i had this totally cute outfit picked out, but i couldn't leave my bed without feeling like i didn't have to hork. finally, i jumped in the shower, got dressed....and went back to bed. my alarm clock went off at 6:30 p.m. i was in even worse shape than before, only my nausea had dissipated. tom ran by and picked me up, and off to oktoberfest we went.

at o-fest, i ran into A -- he put his fucking finger in my ear. ah, no worries, he's a hottie so i was willing to forgive him. later in the night, he stole my beer. that wasn't so cool, until he said, "it's our beer - we're going to share it." that was pretty hot - and who am i to not oblige a hot guy?

i also ran into sgt midgetti. he was having a pretty good time with his friends and was kind enough to act as a translator whenever i stopped by his table to chat everybody up. he even taught me how to say "skull fuck" in german -- phonetic spelling is "moont fick," which translates to "mouth fuck." i started saying the phrase really loud and he was like, "no, you shouldn't say that. it's really bad for women to say that!" it was funny as hell.

something that came as a suprise? there are single men here -- tom introduced me to a fucking handful of very decent looking guys. i was like, "wtf?" and then i gave sgt. reindeer, a very casual acquaintance, a hard time for never inviting me to any of their parties. eventually, laura coralled us all up: me, preston (laura's hubby), tom, and A. we headed back to laura's as she promised to make a very good breakfast the following day. she only has one spare bed so i told tom and A they could make a sandwich out of me. anyway, A and i shared the spare and tom inhabitted the couch.

the next thing i know, i'm asleep and having every sexual dream in the book of sexual dreams. it didn't help when A slung his arm over my ribcage early this morning. my heart started thudding in my chest and i was like, "go to bed, go to bed, go to bed." anyway, i eventually settled my sexually frustrated nerves and fell back asleep. i woke up a few hours later and i saw that A was pretty much awake and he had a huge fucking tattoo on his arm. of course i had to ask how many he had, yadda yadda yadda. i guess we were talking too much 'cause Laura woke up and made some breakfast, like a good woman should.

anyway, like i said earlier, i just got in from eating dinner with tom and i'm fucking beat. i tried to make good on my DD promise -- i called jenn; no answer. i called bg -- you have a very dry sense of humor! and then my phone got disconnected and i was too lazy to try calling back. sorry!!!!!

i'm fucking beat now and i hope next weekend brings more of the same. i just want to curl up in my bed -- the first night that i've been able to do that since i went to bed on thursday, and go to sleep. ya'all have a good night.

zephy - would have called back; got side-tracked after i woke up from my nap, and now i barely have the energy to power-down my computer, let alone lean over the side of my bed to pluck my phone off the receiver. sorry!!!!! hope you're feeling better!