Friday, September 02, 2005

party of 8: how the scotsman failed to liberate my skirt from my thighs

wow, last night was fucking great.

i met up with mr.serious a.k.a. machine a.k.a. greg. what a good time that proved to be. first, he threw out the probability of getting laid during the early portion of the night. i let him know, "no, i'm not attracted to you." now, ladies (and gents if i have any gay men reading this blog...), greg isn't a bad looking bachelor, and he's fun. but there are certain things that must be accounted for in order for me to fuck somebody: chemistry and attraction. greg and i share neither of those qualities, so, having divulged that, we hurdled that obstacle, if you will, and the night was pretty much easy peasy from there.

first, we got harangued by the barkeep down at this gelateria on the walkplatz. what a be-awtch. in retrospect, though, she did hook me up with two very aggressive rum'n cokes. i reckon i don't have grounds to complain after being on the receiving end of such a selfless act.

after that, we walked over to a bar tent. greg chatted up the hotties behind the bar (these girls were gorgeous as in cover of maxim gorgeous...) while i slurped down another rum'n coke, only this one had a shady after-taste. blegh. gross. i asked the bar broads where the irish pubs were -- they sent us on our merry way. halleleujah.

and then it was thirsty nelly's from there. i loved everything about this infamous hot-spot except for the ungodly hour they close down -- fucking 1 a.m. what the fuck is that? places in rural missouri stay open later. that really kind of pissed me off. greg took off with the scotsmen and the british chick, both of whom we met at thirsty nelly's. they seemed pretty cool.

i, on the other hand, stayed behind a few minutes to chat-up some other patrons. and then it was off to the races to find greg and the rest. only, the thing was, i didn't know which bar they were headed off to. what ensued was an escorted tour around the k-town walkplatz. two guys in the bar offered to walk me around until i found my party...we went all over hell's half acre, let me tell ya. and no luck was to be had.

i bid them farewell at the taxi stop and headed back towards thirsty nelly's. on my way there, i got apprehended by some turkish dude who insisted on pulling me into the bar so he could buy me drinks. had i not been so pressed for time, i would have gladly obliged him -- who the hell am i to turn down such hospitality. just as i am walking away from the very forward turk, i run into a tall american; this, ladies and gents, is wes. i asked him if he knew where people usually congregated after a night at thirsty nelly's. as luck would have it, last night was his second night in-country. he conceded he wouldn't be much help, but he offered to walk me to a place around the corner that he had been introduced to only the night before.

and this is where my luck picks-up a little bit. front and center, there was greg talking to the scottish chap. whew. close call, that. so we all of us sat at the bar and had a merry old time. the scot, gary, regaled me with some interesting philosophical tidbits. gotta hand it to the guy, he knows his philosophy and then some. and then he pulled the most impressive one-liner of all time: who would i invite to a dinner party and why?

i believe my answers were as follows:

ann frank - i would love to hear her accounts firsthand.
and i can't remember the rest, because i was really that shit-faced. i'm sure it was a great conversation, though.

at any rate, i was truly impressed that gary could pull such a smooth one and listen to my incessant rambling...and NOT get laid. turned out he and i lacked chemistry and attraction as well.

soooooo, got in at 0630ish this a.m.; my dad was getting ready for work and he was in a fine rotten mood. and my mom, after i ripped myself from the bed this afternoon, said, "yes, i heard you come in this morning."

and to think i thought i had been very quiet.