Friday, August 26, 2005

evening, guv'na

driving along the audobahn today, i learned a lesson so profound it can only be described as life altering: my new car has a governor and it goes full-blown republican at a measly 110 mph. what the fuck is that? 110 mph on the audobahn is slower than the speed of gump -- i am not just a new car owner; i am a safety hazard. congratulations to me. gone are the days of the euro specs' beater that brought me to catastrophic speeds of 200kmph and beyond...the days of regulated driving are here to stay, hitler's high-speed raceway be damned.

also, i saw the doctor today for a lump i have had in my neck since 2000. he did his examination and, after conferring with his colleague, he decided to show me a diagram of cervical (neck) lymph nodes, only it went strangely awry:

"here's something that will help you understand the location and number of nodes in your neck..." he says, gesturing to the color printed-contents tucked neatly inside a folder that he has opened for my perusal.

in plain sight is an educational illustration of a man's penis, cross-sections' included. i about fell off the table laughing -- fit to be tied, and everybody had a good chuckle. turns out, that was not the illustration he was referring to; it was a fews sheets back.

the doc, humor intact and not missing a beat, says, "well, i don't think that will be much help to you." a few more laughs were had over his faux pas.

soooooo, i've got this completely benign lump in my neck -- it's called a post infectious lymph node. i rarely get ill so i don't know where it came from. as it stands, my worries are purely cosmetic in nature; i don't want it growing to the size of a honeydew after i separate, which i plan on doing in 20 months. also, my life after the military will make regular and, quite possibly, neccessary medical care a thing of the past, so i'm starting to get all my ducks lined up now.

as a sidenote from last weekend, my young jedi has cultivated the art of waking the sleeping dead. the scent of homemade ravioli wafting up the stairs was much better compared to the previously used tactic, which involved karate chopping a door into the next dimension and screaming, "waaaaaaaake up, mom and dad need you to move your car!!!!!" both are equally effective, but the steaming plate of cheese filled pasta makes for a happier post-nap me. her reward is a free-of-charge visit to the gym courtesy of her older sister.

time. to. go. now.