Saturday, August 20, 2005

how not to wake a working woman

i only get one chance to wake up each and every day; i like to optimize that one opportunity by being gently roused from my slumber...

this morning did not go accordingly. i stayed up until 1 or 2 a.m. last night, drinking fanfuckingtastic german wheat beer and harrassing a serial harrasser via yahoo messenger. naturally, when i went to bed early this morning i was hoping i wouldn't be rudely disturbed later that same morning. nay, i was hoping to stay in bed until noon at least...and definitely not destroying a good dream in the process (it always happens like that!).

unfortunately, i had a case of beer bladder at 6 a.m., but no worries -- i fell back asleep as soon as i returned from the can. my baby sister, however, had some nefarious plans -- nefarious plans indeed! there i was, in the middle of an a-frame lodge situated in the great northwestern outback and covered in piles of charmin-white snow, cozy and toasty, when all of a sudden the front door slams open and there is a great big grisly bear roaring, "wake up! mom and dad need you to move your car!!"

funny, i didn't know bears could....fuck! it's my baby sister, or an out-of-focus image of what i think is my baby sister, scowling at me from her bedroom door (she has to sleep on the couch whenever i come to visit, eh heeee heeeeeeee). not even out of bed, i develop an instantaneous headache from cringing so severely at the sonic blast that is her quiet voice.

god. i'm so pissed right now. i hate being woken up before my time. i wonder if this is how guys feel when they ejaculate prematurely....

anyway, here's the moral of the story: i only get one chance to wake up and i'd like to maximize that and make it the best possible wake up that working 10-hour days can buy. i also threatened my baby sister not to pull that wicked little stunt again 'cause the next time she flings open any door and yells at me while i'm in a dead sleep will be the last before i throw her face-first into a wall....for me, anything is possible in the morning, even assault -- this is a good lesson in how not to wake a working woman.

i'm so mad. and now i have a headache. i'm going back to bed now....