Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Can I Keep It?

up until recently, i was involved in a committed relationship with a guy named T*. we'd only been together about three months or so when things started gradually coasting downhill. even then, it was my longest relationship in three years so i was hopeful and very encouraged that things would eventually begin to look up.

turns out optimism is a bigger bitch than kathy-lee in alcohol rehab. like i mentioned earlier, things had gone south and T was driving me to a delicate point of insanity with his incessant nit-picking and his art form to illogically debate a comment as simple as, "the weather is nice today." there came a time when i merely imparted how much i was going to miss a friend who was gearing-up for a long deployment. this man -- this man who has been in the service less time than myself said, "well, that's how the service works. people deploy, but she'll be back soon enough." thanks, dad, for re-hashing the season finale of "full house".

and that sums up our relationship, if you can even call it that. still, i felt this urge to press on like a lee's nail set. february came with very limited zeal -- he gave me a $2 bag of candy that was being distributed by the unit booster club. yay for me, just what i always wanted, off-brand confectioner's chocolate and twizzlers, both of which i abhor with a passion bordering on irrational hatred. onward comes the gusty month of march and my birthday rolled around and, with it, my ever-increasing disenchantment with T. over st. patty's day, my best good friend and i flew to dublin and spent the week raising hell and irish wang in the temple bar area. it was an amazing experience and the only thing i regret is not indulging with the fine likes of stephen byrnes.

a week after i returned from ireland, i was totally restless and i wanted to do something wild and crazy so, instead, i went to bitburg to party with some friends...and i met this really drunk guy. had he been in korea, this guy would have put the "g" in green bean tour. and yet i found myself strangely attracted to him. for what reason? i'll never know, even to this day. at any rate, i returned home with no regrets albeit plenty of temptation, and i couldn't get this guy out of my head. finally, i caved into nagging sexual fantasies and mentioned to a mutual friend that i found him attractive. i begged him to wax leprechaun and work some of his pot o' gold magic.

and then it hit me. i had not seen T in over a week. i hadn't called him. i hadn't even sent so much as a one-word email in his direction. fuck, i didn't even miss him, and maybe that's why he landed on my doorstep, unannounced might i add, the very next evening. having decided to sit him down and have a talk, THE talk of talks, although admittedly i wasn't ready to cut him out of my life entirely at this point, i opened the door and summoned the courage for the long and treacherous speech to come...

what's this? he's holding out his hands and i hear the words, "happy birthday! i know it's 2 weeks late, but..."

a computer. a laptop. a brand new fucking laptop. wow. whoa. huh? talk about a buzz kill. how was i going to take the money and run?? fuck me and fuck me hard. i swallowed the lump of surprise again and again and again and again, all the while miserating over my incredibly bad timing. i eventually sat him down and launched into my "i want to see other people" diatribe. amazingly, he looked at me and said, "i still want you to keep the computer."

huh??? no catch? no strings attached? strangely enough, he remained true to his word. i continued seeing him, alternating my weekends with naughty and T, not quite ready to cut T loose, but having too much fun when naughty was around to make any kind of decision...no harm, no foul if all involved know that you are not strictly committed to their affairs. it's a win-win situation, but mostly in my favor.

the last time i saw T was a little more than a month ago. long story short, he wanted to have sex and i was totally repulsed by not only him, but his personality, his laugh, his pseudo-intellect, his EVERYTHING. this shrewdness of his, this determination to make me into a martha-stewart-party-planner-type despite my inability to dress snappy-casual and my equally innate character weakness to fuck-up a perfectly good set of plans. i sure am glad i scored a computer out of the debacle after allowing myself to put up with him for so long...

how else would i be able to post to my blog?

* - name changed to protect MY identity.